things I have not learnt despite being 40

sky
Originally uploaded by etcher67

Dear Self,

Please desist from getting drunk. Getting drunk leads to waking up at 5.15am filled with the horror of what you might have said. Other nasty consequences include the terrible guilt of having to text Phildar and tell her that you are too ill to go dancing, and the inability to do anything much all day apart from moan gently and lie down a lot. This is not brilliant when you have people coming to stay and ought to be crisis cleaning.

Self, you really cannot take more than five normal sized glasses of wine, especially on a mostly empty stomach; and the ones they sell in the pub called 'large' are not only ruinous on your purse but count as at least a glass and a half. Repeat after me: 'I'll have a small one, please'. Also, when you look at your glass and it is half full of wine which you are not especially enjoying, the correct answer to the question 'Would you like another?' is 'No thanks'. Please remember that you do not have to match your companion drink for drink. Indeed, to do so is a grave mistake.

Now go and drink some more coke and get an early night tonight. You'll feel better in the morning. Probably.