maybe it's maybelline

Locked in the toilet I contemplate the utter unfairness of life, wiping foolish tears from my face and hoping like hell that my mascara won't run.

Locked in the toilet I contemplate the foolishness of life, wiping utter mascara from my face and hoping like hell that my unfairness won't run.

Running to the toilet I contemplate the mascara of life, unfair face locked and hoping like hell that my foolishness won't wipe.

Hoping in the toilet I contemplate the lockedness of life, mascara like hell: unfairly foolish.

Foolish life: unfairly locked in mascara.

good intentions

1. I'll go for a lunchtime walk around the park. God knows I need the exercise and the fresh air is good for me too. Only I have stinking period pain and it was cold and I was on duty this morning so maybe tomorrow. Though it might snow; so maybe next week.

2. I'll eat fruit when I get in from work instead of toast. The toast thing must stop. Then after the fruit I will eat bread and marmite. Oops.

3. I will do at least one drawing a day. Or a week. Or something. Goddammit, I'll draw. Maybe I'll just check my email reply to some comments write some comments have a bath do the washing up cook some dinner write a daft post and there's something on TV I want to watch.

There's always tomorrow.

tea for two

Little Friend Susan and I walk down Great Russell Street. We are supposed to be going to the pub, but I am gasping for a cup of tea.

'I am gasping for a cup of tea' I say. 'Can we go and get one before the pub?'
'Sure' she says, 'Though I'm not sure any of the cafes will be open. They shut at about 5'. She is right. All the bright, warm cafes that I noticed on the way to meet her are pulling in their chairs, wrapping cling film around their mexican chicken sandwich fillings and turning off their Heartfm. 'How very foolish' I say.
'It's your culture' says LFS with a wry smile. She is not from 'round here, and banters occasionally with me about things in the UK which she considers to be silly.
'You can't blame me' I say, 'I was only born into the culture. I didn't set it up.'
'I think that you are complicit, though' she says.
'Oh dear, ought I to have been standing outside cafes protesting their foolish opening hours with a placard?' I wonder aloud. We leave it at that, as I have clearly (and unusually) won the argument.

We have been walking around looking for cash machines and cafes for about half an hour. All the cafes have shut. 'We'll just have to go to a pub' she says. I agree, and fortuitously we are standing at the door of The Plough, a very fine establishment (as it turns out). 'I don't mind if you drink tea' says LFS as we push through the heavy door.

'Don't be silly, it's six o'clock!' I say. You can't drink tea after six o'clock - you have to drink beer! It's virtually the law!'

Ah.

reasons to feel foolish

1. Doesn't everyone put things on their heads?
2. ...and take pictures which include their never-quite installed smoke alarm?
3. Haven't you once at least practised your spins in the kitchen and tried going the 'wrong' way on the 'wrong' leg, resulting in painful bruising and a near-repeat of the coccyx-breaking incident of January '06?
4. Or at least foolishly decided to drive across Blackheath on bonfire night at precisely the moment when the display is about to start and the whole population of Greenwich is standing on the heath?

You haven't?

Just me, then.